Play and social skills

Providing play opportunities allows children to explore and learn new things in fun and engaging ways.

Social skills are the skills we use every day to communicate and interact with each other.

This could be with words, or through:

gestures
facial expressions
body language

Play is the way children learn about the world around them. Children need to have a variety of experiences to help them acquire language for thinking, learning and communicating.

Play can include:

people play
cause and effect
construction
pretend
outside or physical play
songs and stories
messy play and crafts

Ages and stages

Children develop their speech, language and communication skills at different rates. However, knowing what is typical development can help you identify possible speech and language difficulties early.

Every child is different and will develop at their own pace.

Below are some guidelines as to how children typically develop their play and social skills between these age ranges.

0 to 1 years

At this age, your child will typically:

stare at faces and copy expressions such as sticking out their tongue
smile and laugh when other people smile and laugh
look at you when you speak
sense emotions in voices and respond by smiling, laughing, quietening etc.
cry in different ways to express needs, for example a cry for hunger and a different cry for when they are tired
explore their environment

1 to 2 years

At this age, your child will typically:

like being around familiar adults
happily play alone or alongside others
show you objects they are interested in
enjoy simple pretend play, like feeding a dolly
copy songs and actions with you
start to take turns, like rolling a ball back and forth

2 to 3 years

At this age, your child will typically:

enjoy playing pretend games with others and by themselves
be interested in others playing and will join in
choose their own activities or games and will follow their own plans
interact with familiar adults and copy their actions
try out new things and actively explore the world around them

3 to 4 years

At this age, your child will typically:

start conversations with people
play more with other toddlers and children
understand taking turns and sharing
play in a wider range of imaginative games with adults, like driving a toy car to the garage, filling it up with petrol and driving away

4 to 5 years

At this age, your child will typically:

play with other children and choose their own friends
organise and play pretend or roleplay with other children like pretending to be a dog while playing
start conversations with people and takes turns in conversations
listen to and join in with group conversations
talk to get information, negotiate and give opinions
prefer routine but can cope with changes with pre-warning and adult support

5 to 7 years

At this age, your child will typically:

listen to, join in and take turns in group conversations
use their words to do a wider range of things such as negotiate, give opinions and discuss ideas
give details in conversations that they know are important and will influence the listener
develop their friendships further (they will be aware of who their friends are, why they are friends and can understand the feelings of their friends – friendships will include falling out and making up again)
begin to talk to people in different ways, for example talking one way to their friends and another way to their teacher
make their stories more exciting by exaggerating and using different tones of voice

7 to 11 years

At this age, your child will typically:

use words they hear other people using and begin to be aware of the latest slang
be aware of what the listener knows and checks while they are telling a story.
exaggerate stories in an unbelievable way to make their stories more exciting for example “last night at granny’s we had the biggest pizza in the world!”
use language to do a wider range of things such as ask questions, negotiate, give opinions, and discuss ideas – this is important for building and maintaining friendships, for example complimenting and criticising
continue conversations with a range of people by making relevant comments or by asking questions
talk to people in different ways and use formal language when appropriate in a similar situation for example showing a visitor around school.
anticipate other people’s thoughts and feelings

Children who find social communication difficult

Some children may develop play and social skills in a different way. This is often the case when a child is autistic or has a learning disability.

Children who find social communication difficult may:

prefer to play on their own
prefer to play with or talk about the same thing over again
find it easier not to look at you
not understand the words you use
use different ways to communicate such as gesture, sign, pictures or a voice output device

Top tips for play

Observe, wait and listen to see what your child is interested in.
Get down and play alongside them, with whatever they are showing interest in.
Use single words or short phrases to match what your child is looking at or playing with.
People games such as peek-a-boo or tickle games are good at getting interaction started and developing turn-taking.
Copy what your child is doing, using a similar toy.
Add a new idea to the play, then wait. For example, if your child is rolling a car, you could use a different car, copy your child’s actions, then make the car crash and wait for your child’s reaction.
Act out everyday activities to develop imagination. For example, have a teddy bears’ picnic, or pretend to go shopping.

The NHS Ayrshire & Arran app has a whole section on children and young people’s social skills, with lots of advice and support to help you and your child.

Resources

Bookbug (Scottish Book Trust)
Learning through Play (LEGO Foundation and UNICEF) – a detailed look at strengthening learning through play in early childhood education programmes

Websites related to autism and neurodiversity:

Watch the video below for more activity ideas to do with children aged 3 to 5 years old.